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Well after my exciting week in Nagasaki its been a quieter week for me in Kumamoto. Spent three hours in my bar on tuesday having a discussion about nipples in broken japanese which was quite interesting. I am now am the bars official language teacher and I am busy at work concocting simple english language drinking games.

Im going to start rating random aspects about japan. Just for the hell of it. My ratings are from a personal perespective only and I would welcome any further comments.


#102 Modern Japanese Toilets
9.5/10
Japan has some of the finest toilets in the world. I have never felt so comfortable sitting on a japanese loo and with all the wonderful gadgets and gizmos its a never ending rollercoaster ride of fun. Japanese toilets are also more hygienic as their little taps on top enable you to avoid the pee peril of touching a urine stained door handle. However their bum sprays can be a little dangerous and I have come very close to soaking my self after accidentally pressing the power up button.

#103 Traditional Japanese Toilets
3/10
Similar to its bastard cousin the french latrine I have never been able to use these properly. Apparently its healthier to crouch when performing. Thats great, but im always concerned about falling into my performance as my legs give in. How do people do it???

Answers on a postcard please.

Nagasaki

Last weekend I went of to Nagasaki, a very interesting place. Most people just associate it with the atomic bombings but in fact nagasaki is much more. It probably has the most colourful history of any other city having been the sole point of entry and trade for foreigners in Japan. It seemed to be a lively cosmopolitant place which seems a million light years away from the place it was in the summer of 1945. However I did notice a few people with mild mutations which possibly maybe due to the high radioctivity post bomb. Various cancers even now could be still lying dormant from those who experienced the horrific dawn of the atomic age

The peace museum was excellent but truly truly graphic and quite disturbing. If it doesnt make you pro nuclear disarmament i dont know what will. The peace park was pleasant but I was rather taken aback by the grandiose flabby looking peace statue.

Stayed in a business hotel which made a pleasant change from the "anonymity" of the last place I stayed at. And so cheap too!

Anyway Id just also like to say that melon fanta is the best soft drink ever. Period.

Anpaman

Over the last few weeks, whenever I have shown anyone my bank cashcard, I have been met with either derision or laughter. I started getting paranoid, thinking my bank was some kind of joke; then I realised they were not laughing at that me but the funny image of cute superhero Anpaman. Anpaman is no ordinary superhero because he actually consists of dough or pastry or something. In times of peril and need he donates his head to the starving peoples of the world so that they can be nourished and he is then rebaked by his master. What kind of sick f***** up country is this!?

Other than that I have been to Mount Aso the largest caldera in the world and just a hop skip and jump from Kumamoto. Going to Nagasaki this weekend. Also now the brunt of office gossip for something completely uninteresting but hey this is small town and boy news travels fast.

The other day I strolled into a really cool little bar with a capacity of maybe 8, its awesome and I struck up conversations with the locals in no time, showing them my various pictures and the like, I even sang Karaoke. Im endeavouring to keep it a secret from other gaijin because it is　nice to feel totally immersed with the japanese. The only problem with it is that the guy i thought was a pimp (see previous post)frquents there and he turns out to be an estate agent, doh!

Japlish t shirts for sale

#1Druggie shirt: Text:

GO GO GO Ecstasy!

GO British ROCK!

GO Parkinsons Disease!

#2 Biker:

33% off engine 22 ectv
Offer not valid with tigers

#3 Beautiful lady:

GRUNT

Theres also an a t shirt that elaborately describes how to make hot dogs and how they are "selected from the finest cuts of beef in the land." Caps with "got hos" are retailing for 15 pounds. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR CAPS.

Exciting new discoveries

Over the least week i have discovered some exciting new places in Kumamoto....

I had my work welcoming party last thursday which was really nice. We went to the all you can drink for five pounds place, which was naturally a lot of fun! We then went to the community sports centre just round the corner from me which was really cool. Imagine rock climbing, bowling, darts, pool, arcades and countless other sports all under one roof for the flat out rate of 2 pounds an hour! Amazing!

Also went to Karaoke last night which was an interesting experience. It was all you could drink for 3 pounds an hour so I got rather too into my singing and started crooning like a pair of bellows. My new japanese friend however seemed to think I should be a singer and not a teacher here.... hmmmm maybe I could be the japanese tom jones.

Have also discovered an internet place with an amazing massage machine, pool, darts and free soft drinks for 6 pounds for four hours.

off to discover some more places...

Japanese Society

Well its been another interesting and crazy week in Japan....

I put up an ad for language exchange a week or so ago. At first I just recieved the one reply which I was quite content with. Then two, three, four and now its about twenty million at my last counting, all female all looking for a western boyfriend. I actually got quite excited at the prospect of teaching a guy but it turned out to be another girl. Dont get me wrong its flattering to recieve so much attention but now its starting to get ridiculous.

The longer I have been in Japan the more fascinating and intriguing Japanese society has become. I think it would be an amazing job to be a psychologist out here. There is such a schizophrenic sense of "seeming" and "being" out here that is pretty screwed up from my western perspective. "Seeming" is everything, your appearance, your manners and above all not losing face. "Being" is totally different you can act totally different and be totally different as long as your under the guise of seeming. The one exception I have seen of this is evening drinking culuture at night where the rules of what is acceptable change dramatically. Things often simmer on the surface too, hence you have totally normal looking "bookshops" that are basically 90 percent porn, playing videos for anyone to see, men reading pornos in bookshops and school girl knicker vending machines. Japanese morality dictates therefore that as long as nobody knows im doing wrong then its ok.

The only thing that has really been bothering me however is David Beckhams shameless advertising of chocolate coated macadamia nuts.