Japanese birth rate at crisis levels!

Also see my new posting below

JAPLISH a guide to the corruption of my English

Words I dont use any more:

"Text": Japanese phones use an email system instead of a text sytem.

"Chin:" Chinx2= willy in Japanese, it causes to much raucous behaviour if i way it to my kids. The three little pigs story is therefore not a great story to tell the children over here!

"Mobile" The american hegemony of english has affected sadly knawed at my own.

"Minger" The girls in Kumamoto are stunning, mingers are as rare here as are attractive women are in Hemel Hempstead.

"Wales" You are yet to exist in the consciousness of Japanese people, all Brits are ubiquitously referred to as Igilisu.

Words and phrases I use more:

"Case by case" This is used by Japanese people for "it depends".

"Eeeeeeehh" Sounding a bit like a retard and meaning oh really?

"Fight, Fighto" Meaning "go for it! " "up and at em!" in a competitive context.

"High Tension" Meaning bubbly and outgoing in Japanese and not a suicidal anal retentive (or maybe it does?)

"Nice Guy" Any guy who doesnt beat up their wife or girlfriend.

"Level up" Improve at something.

"Fat" If you are not anorexic or live on a diet of lettuce. (Actually i am the recipricent rather than the user of this one."

"Southpaw" Lefted handed.

"Soccer" Pronounced "Suck her" and yes it sucks that know one knows the proper word.

"Maybe I understand" I have absolutely no clue what you are saying.


But I REFUSE TO use the word beautiful to diaorheatic excesses (I hear this a lot by all nationalities of non english speakers) "Oh wow its so beautiful" "the people in this room are so beautiful" "im feeling such a beautiful things beacause of the beautifully beautiful beauty that you gave me " "these rabid donkeys are so beautiful" etc.

Culinary Education

Before I left Japan there were recent endeavours by Jamie Oliver to improve the quality of school meals. After living in a nation which in terms of cuisine as a whole is arguably the best in the world, I have come to realise more and more the importance of good and healthy eating.

I have been very fortunate to have parents who have indulged me with fine and healthy cuisine throughout my childhood, I think this has definitely made me appreciate cooking and has given me a relatively sophisticated palate. I love all Japanese food save umeboshi which is pickled plum although rather strangley I absolutely love umeshu which is the liquor varaiant.

But when I think back to what influence school food had on my palate I am surprised I am not anorexic! My endearing memory of eating at school is the sight of manicdepressive grey looking coloured vegetables mixed with flabby flatulent meats sunk in a pool of dark oozy juices. Basically it looked like shit. Perhaps one of my worst culinary school memories was the whole debacle over pudding, would it be yummy flapjacks or the very evil cherry crumble, it was like russian roulette every lunchtime. Even to this day I wince and cringe at the image of that purple glunk covered in what looked like whale sperm. I have actually had nightmares about people being tortured that have resembled cherry crumble.

So in short the school meal is almost a lesson in culinary anarchy. When you ask what an english Kid what their favourite food is they will most probably answer with Chips. If you ask a Japanese kidn they will probably say raw fish, fermented soya beans, noodles. Im not suggesting that all english kids should go out and eat raw fish (for one thing its too expensive in england) But the Uk should look to Japan in terms of culinary education.