英国 に 帰れる

Just to counter the last post, misconceptions run both ways. Take for example the notion here that the englishman is frightfully polite and that alll guys are like gentleman. Maybe the japanese notion is a bit like that of the red dwarf episode when it lands in the world of hugh grants covered by bumbling well... i.....errr.....jolly..... gosh hughie clones. A visit it to Watford high street should refute this theory. Sadly england is now more wetherspoon warrior than gentle gent, throughout the land, hunter gathering bacardi and cokes for their sharonfolk. Im so glad they havent arrived in Japan yet, it would be like inviting a group of rabid incontinent monkeys to a stamp collecting convention.

Went fishing in Amakusa on Monday. I managed to catch my shoe and very nearly my foreskin, im quite the pro. After all the sun lazing on the boat my colour has gone from mighty white wholemeal to a deep tomato complexion, I look like a twat.

By the way you are probably wondering what on earth my plans are. I mentioned earlier on this blog that i would return around now. Actually things have changed course somewhat but I will be back without fail for christmas and wil be back for a while. I dont really want to elicit my plans here, but anyone who wants to know can ask! Dont think i have forgotten you all! I never thought a year could go so fast. So much has happened in my life since i came here and i can honestly say it has only been just now that i have been able to slow down some what, get some perspective and for the first time not feel like a f!!!!!d gaijin.

Funny thing happened the other day. I was doing a workshop with some high school kids and we were brainstorming family　vocab. One person said "father", the next said "mother" and so on and then out of nowhere came "manager"! Nihon Inc. eat your heart out.

Thinking of starting an english swearing workshop. The japanese language is woefully short on swearwords and denies an outlet for letting off steam. My boss is foolish (baka) does not have the same cathartic feeling as my boss is an utter knobhead.

Cool 日本nia

After an eventful and relaxing break things are starting to get boring and im losing my motivational mojo, fortunately things are going to pick up as im recommencing proper employment and have my visa in the bag, hoorah!

Had an interesting discussion with a British friend last night about the perception of Japan and the Japanese abroad and how the image is quite different from the reality. This is particuarly interesting with regards to the image one has in Britiain, especially london where everything Japanesey is super trendy and cool with everyone flocking to Yo Sushi and watching the latest manga movie. But this kind of image in Japan I soon learnt is quite far detatched from the actual reality of the country and the people, it almost seems to me now as a completely different commercial entity.

This misunderstanding of Japan i think greatly enhanced my culture shock to the country. With the proliferation of modern arts Japanese and the fact there are lots of intelligent and cosmopolitan young Japanese people in London I had the impression that Japan was a modern very integrated country in the world at the cutting edge in all senses. Upon coming to Japan my preconceptions shattered into a thousand pieces, if there is one phrase that probably summed up my feelings it was if I was living on Mars.

True it was my first visit to Asia, so the feeling was bound to be even more "alien" but it was more than just asia shock. Japans isolation has been the ultimate ingredient into defining its cultural, social and political identity and what makes the place the people and their values very unique and are very difficult to relate to anything western.

Japans trendiness in Britian is often linked to its modernity, but i soon discovered that Japan could only really be considered modern within the strict technological sense. Many travel authors contest that Japan is a unique fusion old and new but its not. The view that Japan is a "now place" is just window dressing, a way of it seeming fully integrated with the developed world. Japan is a thousand years old place that has recently had to embrace modernity leading to a rather screwed up result. They had to absorb so much in such a short time. Take for example the numerous political and philosophical thinkers at the time of the french revolution. It fell to one 23 years Japanese student to have to translate all of the works of this period into Japanese! somehow he managed it in 5 years.

Another image of Japan that gets on my tits is the cliche of it being a harmonious place where everyone is in a zen like state of nirvana like peacefulness pooness. I was travelling with an Ozzie recently and he seemed to take this at face value bowing deeply and clasping his hands in prayer with a pious look on his face after every encounter and saying "doooomoooo" like he was doing a voiceiver in a porno. Japan isnt monksville you know!

Japan is a place i think that is greatly misunderstood from abroad, films such as Lost In Translation symbolise these misunderstandings (although its certainly true that most Gaijin including myself are rather self vacillitating and dont know what we want to do with our lives!).

However perhaps one of the greatest fallacies though is that JPop is good whereas its actually shite. I dont get down and boogie to the venga boys and nor do I to SMAP.

Expo

I have just spent the last two days at the world expo in Aichi prefecture near nagoya with my good landlord Uramoto San. The world expo is an exposition of countries from around the world and japanese corporations mascotted by two two different green coloured bogies. At times it felt like being in an enormous washing machine. However despite being spun round a lot by crowds and saying bugger 100 times after walking around and queing under the hot summer sun it was well worth it and very interesting.

The queues were ridiculous for the corporate stands so i and uramoto san trundled off to as many country stands as we could feast our eyes upon within the space of two days, during which we journeyed from Saudi Arabia to Australia with a pit stop in a ye olde japanese beer halle. The country pavillions were fascinanting in many ways not so much for their content but how they were trying to project themselves. Many countries tried to stick within the remit of the theme for this years expo (nature I believe) others however tended to project their own cultures. Some pavillons particularly from the smaller countries tended to promote the crafts and produce of their countries. Others that lack global awareness such as Bhutan and the Central Asian countries tried to promote more understanding of their cultures. The Chinese and Indian pavillons both indescreetly tried to portrary themselves as big upcoming powers in the world.

The expo hadnt avoided politics too. Whilst waiting to enter for the Korean pavillion the opposite Chinese one had been clearly shunned by many Japanese visitors. Similarily I noticed some tensions with manager and security in the Iranian pavillion.

Some countries who tried to follow the theme of the "wisdom of nature" arguably found it more difficult than others. Hollands projection as being a country in harmony with water was interesting and entertaining but how on earth can it say that when it has been trying suck all the water out of its country after a history of enduring mass flooding? Naturally also the Arabian countries focused on the wisdom of oil healthly sprucing out its bank accounts and GDP.

And what of America? Well after being pushed into in a dark room and yelled out KONNICHIWAAA and whether we were GENNNKIII ?? We were ushered into an even darker room where we watched an entertaining video presented by Sylvester Stallone sat down by a fire in a living room dressed in a smoking jacket and caressing a copy of the Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant. With the soft overtone melody of greensleeves Sly starts by giving a brief lecture on nature and how the wisdom of nature has created harmony and peace and balance to the force. He goes on how to explain he in rocky 4 through the nature and wisdom of his gluteous maximus he took down the commie scum Drago freeing the world of an era of tyranny, oppression and shoulderpads. He then explains that the wisdom of nature has selected the USA and myself to have:

"Enormous balls granting liberty and freedom to any that may encouter them."

Sly then turns into an enormous phallus shape exploding burgershaped bibles into the arms of the greatful people of "kraplakistan, the deomocratic federation of chlamidyia and France."

"God Bless America and God bless our ENORMOUS BALLS!!!

Sorry thats a load of bollocks...

Actually the American pavillion was far less entertaining it was a video of some fat geek pretending to be Benjamin Franklin looking amazed at all the modern gadgets we now have and how the wisdom of nature has inspired such technology such as fridges, TVs and anal beard electrolysis.

The UK and Mexico pavillions were my favourites as they both were entertaining, stimulating and well designed without being pretentious or hollow. I felt rather sorry for my poor companion however as he missed out on all the best bits as his eye sight is near the point of blindness.

I also had the pleasure of experiencing the phenomenon of the Japanese tour and feeling for the first time not so gaijiny. I was the only gaijin in the tour but spoke no english (except bugger) for two days so i kind of slowly merged in like milk does in soggy weetabix . Our guide met us at the airport waving a little flag and ushering us up through the escalator. Throughout the whole journey she smiled so hard and continously that I was not sure whether she was happy, sad or extremely constipated. We were also met later at the airport by a doll looking Japanese girl who talked to us on the coach about the weather and that we were going and leaving the expo over a period of 30 mins. I was relieved to have escaped the Onegaitashimashing and rattle tat tat of the sumimasening and daijobing when any thing went remotely out of control or seemed problematic. Its s started to drive me over the wall. I wish people in this country would just throw wobblies, it would be far less stressful!

One case in point: the coach was delayed by about 50 minutes because a mother had lost her daughter in the Expo. She returned double bent, red faced and sobbing softly "Minna san sumimasen, sumimasen." What terrible shame she had brought upon herself by making herself late, how terrible it was.

Did I give a damn though? No. Was it massiely inconvenient? No. Things like this are bound to happen, I was simply happy she had found her daughter.

I really detest this whole shame culture. It seems that when any error or mistake is exposed intense shame is felt. I have had so many people apologise to me about their poor english or some other trivial thing like being two minutes late (or in some cases two minutes early!) Its particularly noticeable in women, being a useful tool of keeping people in their place and controlling their actions in this very subtley stratified society.

Anyway on the way back I had the chance to marvel at the new Nagoya airport which has had so much money thrown at it that it has an onsen, an interactive global map and smartly dressed women warning you of the perils of getting off the escalators. On flying back I was knackered and passed out immeditely, contented by my enjoyable trip but also relieved to have not suffered the same fate that many weathered socks do in large and overloaded washing machines.