Time for reflection

The last few weeks have been a real rollercoaster of a ride and im now just trying to slow down and put things into perspective and giving myself time to reflect： why am I here? what do I want to get out of Japan? I almost feel I have come full circle and that I have just begun my stay here again. I think this is because with regards to my relationship I thought I was beginning to understand their mindset and then all of a sudden I got egg thrown in my face in a very callous way. A very bizarre incident this week further underlined this for me and i feel as if I understand Japanese people far less then I did at the beginning! All i know is that I dont want to get into another relationship with a Japanese woman because they are just too different for me to relate to them. They are completely unused to honesty in a relationship and are too accustomed to secrets, lies and insincerity, its just too messy for me to deal with.

On the up side i really feel my japanese is improving and can sustain an albeit very broken conversation!

Have now been to Kagoshima which was fun. The people seemed different there, perhaps a bit more outgoing and burly. The sight of the volcano overlooking the bay is a stunning one. I need to get some walking boots and have a go at climbing it. Have just been spending a couple of days with Gavin who came to visit, it was great to see a friendly face from home. Much drinking was accomplished! A couple of weeks ago I was singing kareoke in my no longer secret bar with a very plump jolly man who invited me to his own place in town. I had trouble finding it but the other day I realised that it was in fact above the main gaijin bar! Much shochu was drunk and Gavin and I ended up singing "We are the World, We are the children" by stevie wonder with the rest of the bar people. It felt extremely random but somewhat amusing! Have also discovered the delights (and pains) of body shots.

I have has something of an epiphany this week with regards to asian peoples looks. Now that I have become more used to their faces figures and shapes I realise some things I found attractive I dont find attractive anymore. Eg Lucy Liu who I always considered beautiful but I now consider to be not all that, even quite scary looking (a feeling apparently shared by the majority of chinese men.) Turning the coin flip side on its head I can now understand why asian people see gaijin as beautiful even when theyre considered as unattractive.

I had a lot more to say but my head is a bit constipated a la japonaise so I think Ill sign out and be off....